When in doubt, bake it out!

Hello dear,

What a year this week has been. I’m writing from a different chair, but still the same living room in Heemskerk. My Harry Potter-loving heart is slightly hurt that I did not leave on September 1st as planned.

And the rest of me was pretty disappointed too. I was so ready to go. My best friend and I had the biggest goodbye-hug on Sunday, I had a wonderful evening with my aunt and uncle last Tuesday, my sister and her boyfriend planned to come home early from their trip so that they could say goodbye. Everything was packed, negative Covid-test in the pocket, ferry booked, snacks ready. I was so excited to be moving, but feeling pretty tense too. Because September 1st was also the day my grandfather would hear about possible treatment options, and where to go next. A big day, not only for me, but for the whole family.

So what happened?

Well, there was a big misunderstanding, which involved a bank holiday the British celebrate but the Dutch do not. I thought I would be able to pick up my passport Wednesday morning and, being the excited (+slightly delusional) optimist I am, had booked the ferry for the evening. (To be fair, I did double check if it was a realistic expectation with the application centre). But when Wednesday morning came I still hadn’t heard anything about my Visa. Then I learned that last Monday was Summer bank holiday – and bank holidays do not count as working days. Thus, my whole calculations/expectations were off. And, although they paid for priority, it doesn’t mean that you can actually pick up your passport the same day they make the decision. Furthermore, the decision maker still can take more time if they need to do background checks. Guess who feels incredibly stupid? And frustrated?

(Bottomline: you never know when you get your passport back. Don’t plan anything before you have your passport.)

In the meantime, whilst I was contacting my lovely future landlady and my wonderful manager to tell them about the unknown duration of delay in my arrival, the hospital called to postpone the conversation between the doctor, my grandparents, mother and uncle. Unfortunately, the doctor had taken ill and went home sick. These things happen, but I felt bad, mainly for my grandparents. Everyone was worried of course, but I know how much they were mentally preparing themselves and almost looking forward to getting some further information, even if it would not be as positive as we all hope for.

When in doubt, bake it out!

Feeling overwhelmed, I do what I usually do in such a situation: I start baking. When in doubt, bake it out! It does not really matter what I’m baking. It just gives my hands something to do, creates some room for my feelings to just be there, it distracts my brain enough that I’m able to think some things through but without going down the overthinking rabbit hole. And even though most (or all) my problems will still be there when I’m finished, well, at least there’s cake, right?! Or coffee bullar, in this case. They have been on my ‘to bake’-list since last week. And I have to admit they turned out pretty good!

Sometimes all you need is a little patience

After baking and watching ‘how to train your dragon’ with my mum, I got into bed early. I opted for a mental health day this morning, with the full intention of sitting in a blanket, curled up with a good book and a cup of tea for most of the day. Instead, I received an email around noon saying that I could pick up my passport! Naturally, I dropped everything, took a shower and drove to Amsterdam with my brother. Skilled worker visa granted. What a relief!

Let’s keep in touch. But seriously.

My grandfather will be coming home tomorrow. We still have to await some test results and hear about an exact treatment plan. But at least he will be coming home, on the same day that I will be leaving the country.

His hospitalization puts emphasis on one of the biggest questions I have around moving to a different country: How do I stay connected, how do I keep in touch with my friends and family?

A part of me feels a little selfish for emigrating, especially during such difficult and uncertain time. I’d hate for anyone to think that I am running away from them, leaving them. I am so grateful for all the support I have gotten over the years, for the friends I’ve made, for the people who have been by my side (even if it has been for a little while). It is important to me that you know that. I want to know what is going on in your lives, I want keep in touch. That’s why I started this blog. Though, I think I need to adjust a little for my grandparents. I’ll write handwritten letters for them and send postcards weekly.

But to everyone else: leave comments, text me, come over! Let me know if you’d like some snailmail as well 😉 I know people always say: “Let’s keep in touch!” But then you wake up 15 years, 2 kids, 5 llama’s and 3 guinea pigs later and you suddenly remember “Oh yeah, he/she exists. I wonder how he/she’s doing” and feel too embarrassed to ask. Don’t be. Let’s keep in touch. But seriously.

With love,

Karen+Buster

PS. I am curious: what is something you do when feeling overwhelmed? And what is your favorite way of staying connected to friends and family?

PPS. Buster’s favorite way of staying connected is to nap against my leg and then shed hair everywhere so I’ll be thinking about him whenever I’m in the living room. Or doing the laundry, drinking coffee, eating a sandwich (extra side of hair anyone?). Or even putting on mascara – seriously, how is that possible?!